Goals or Expectations: What Matters?

Prioritization. If I could have a dollar for every time someone has asked me, “So how do you prioritize?” I would be living on a beach in Fiji instead of writing this article. Having worked in both Microsoft and Amazon the first thing I’ve observed many new leaders do is try to solve it with a new tool or app. It rarely if ever does, because the prioritization problem is deeper than that.

The Big Deal

No one wants to work on something that isn’t a priority. Where good leaders start is by getting clear on their goals for the time period. Then communicating those goals and expectations clearly so that their teams can effectively align their work.

The Hang up

It is very important to be clear about the differences between goals with expectations. When goals become expectations, they become a mental torment if you find yourself not reaching all of your goals.

Goals are targets we’re striving to hit. They have outcomes and metrics. They are not a measurement of an individual’s value or worth.

Expectations are strong beliefs that must occur, like being on time, telling the truth and treating people with respect. They are not the outcome. Think of expectations as personal and value-related.

I was recently in a conversation with senior executives about a team not hitting their goal. The consensus was that while the team would not meet their anticipated goal that was okay. This seems counter intuitive, but remember that a goal is only a “thing” and typically not under any one person’s total control.

So why were the senior leaders “okay” with missing the goal? Their expectations. The leadership understood that (1) this was a stretch goal (2) other activities became a priority during the course of the year with resources allocated elsewhere, and (3) positive progress had been made.

Dr. Larry Lauer, mental skills specialist for US Tennis Association Player Development, looks at goals and expectations this way:

Players may have goals, such as making the quarters; these are targets they hope to hit. In contrast, expectations are more hard lines of things that must happen; otherwise, it’s a bad experience. When the outcome, such as winning or playing amazing and feeling great, become the expectation, the level of stress and anxiety increase and, more often than not, the player will be disappointed. Remember, things do not have to be “just right” to compete.

Now what?

As you are writing your personal or business goal remember to be clear that they are truly a goal and not an expectation. Here are several questions Dr. Lauer suggests:

“Are my goals focused on how I will play and improve?”
“Are my expectations realistic and on things that I can control?”
“How can I make sure that my goals stay goals and I don’t beat myself up each time I don’t reach the target?”
“What do I do if I start to expect outcome goals, such as winning?”

Bottom Line

Once the goal is complete, release yourself from your expectations. The fastest way to ruin a good outcome is to tell yourself it’s not good enough. Your expectations dictate your happiness more than your results.